Don’t be hurried. Grief is the natural response to any loss and lasts much longer than most of us expect. There are no short cuts, magic words or magic cures.
Now if we do not understand the process and the time span of grief, we may decide that people in grief are weak or lack faith. Thus we can become a source of pressure for those experiencing grief.
We may say that they are not doing well and needs someone to straighten them out, to get them back on the Road of Life. Those grieving will then feel the need to show how strong they are or how much faith they have.
It is this pressure the leads them to act WELL before they are really WELL, resulting in unresolved grief. Particularly in the first few months, most grieving people feel as if things are getting worse, not better or easier, that they are going downhill and not making progress.
This is natural for the pain and despair are not getting worse, it’s just the body’s defense mechanisms are wearing off and the feelings which have always been there are starting to come to the surface. This is a good sign of healing even though it is distressing.
Grief is, on average but will be different for everyone, a two-year natural process of healing a broken heart. It takes time and should not be rushed.
What to expect during the first two years. There will be many peaks and valleys. There will be times when the pain of grief will be so intense that you may think you cannot stand it.
But there will be times when the pain is not quite as intense and there is hope of survival. There will be peaks just prior to any anniversary: Birthdays, the Wedding anniversary, or date of death or other significant events, such as Christmas. The peak will happen a few weeks before an anniversary. The anticipation of the day is usually worse than the day itself.
Most of the peaks catch us unprepared and we do not know why they happen. When they hit we often fight them instead of understanding and accepting them as being a normal part of grief.
Often peaks makes us think we are not making any progress at all. Give yourself permission to be wounded, for not accepting a peak as normal tends to make it more intense and increases the pain.
The peaks are growing times, for we grow the most when we hurt. Experiencing a peak is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of growth.
Generation Funerals can assist in providing support and direct you to an specialist to assist you in understanding your own grief.
For more information relating to grief refer to our grief and bereavement section of our website here.